What If I Don't Know My Life Purpose?
Episode #3 - The Pressure of Purpose
What if your “big purpose” isn’t a title or a trophy… but a thread?
Why You’re Not Failing—and What to Do Instead
In Episode 3 of Trust Yourself!, we’re calling BS on the myth that purpose is some grand, one-shot destiny you either find—or fail at. Sissy shares how walking away from her career (and the identity wrapped up in it) cracked her open in terrifying and beautiful ways. Heidi reveals how stepping out of her nurse identity didn’t mean losing her purpose—it meant reclaiming it.
What’s in This Blog Entry: Journaling prompts, fresh reframes, and a reminder that you’re not behind—you’re right on time.
Why We Feel So Much Pressure to “Find” Purpose
We’re meaning-makers. We crave clarity. And in a chaotic world, having a singular “life purpose” feels like a life raft.
But here's the problem:
The world keeps telling us our purpose must be:
Singular
Impressive
Productive
Monetizable
Final
When you don’t have that one perfect answer? You feel lost. Like you’re failing.
No wonder the search for purpose turns into another source of anxiety.
Jay Shetty - “Your passion becomes a purpose when you use it to serve others”
What If Purpose Isn’t Something to Find—But Something to Feel?
You’ve been taught to treat purpose like a scavenger hunt.
But what if it’s more like a thread that weaves through your life—one you follow, not force?
“What if your purpose evolves as you evolve?”
— Sissy
In this episode, we explore:
Why chasing a single purpose can actually disconnect you from joy
How identity and career often get confused with meaning
Why your purpose isn’t something to “earn”—it’s something you already carry
Reframing Purpose
Instead of thinking “living for me is selfish” swap it with:
Living for me is what lets me give more to others
Your purpose doesn’t have to be about saving the world.
It can be about loving yourself, following what feels good, and trusting that the ripple effect is enough.
How to Start Reconnecting to Your Purpose
1. Follow What Feels Light
Ask: What gives me energy? What drains me?
It doesn’t have to be big. It just has to feel aligned.
2. Audit Your Identity
What roles are you holding onto (mom, wife, CEO)?
And underneath those… who are you really?
Try describing yourself as colors, symbols, emotions, or feelings
Heidi describes herself as a bright yellow star full of power.. burning the brightest like Venus! (Yes, I know that’s a planet)
3. Start Small. Really Small.
Maybe your purpose today is smiling at a stranger in Target.
Or letting yourself rest.
Or creating something messy and beautiful that no one else sees but you.
4. Ask Better Questions
Instead of “What’s my one true calling?” Try:
- What makes me feel alive right now?
- What’s something I’ve always loved but stopped doing?
- If I stripped away all titles—who would I be?
Journal Prompts (from this episode)
Want to go deeper like we did at the end of the episode? Try these:
What did you love doing as a child—before anyone told you if you were good at it or not?
What makes you feel different from others—and do you see that as a flaw or a gift?
If your younger self saw you now, what would make her proud? What would break her heart?
When you strip away your roles, who is left? What images, words, or symbols come to mind?
If purpose isn’t about doing—what is it about for you?
Want to Explore Your Own Purpose with Us?
Listen to the episode for a special discount on our S.O.S. Calls (Seeking Out Solutions). It’s an hour of deep soul guidance, tarot, and intuitive insight with both of us—Elise and Heidi.
Book your S.O.S. Call here → Book Now
Full episode transcript
Elise (00:00)
Okay, so what happens if we don't find it? Heidi, are we just...
Heidi (00:04)
We're obviously gonna die early and with lots of inflammation. And no money. And no money. For generations, women were shamed for trusting themselves, sensing things before they happen, and believing in their own power. No one encouraged them to embrace it until now. Welcome to Trust Yourself.
Elise (00:27)
I am really, really excited today because I think this topic we could talk about for hours, but we're kind of going to dive in to one specific area of it, I think. So honesty time. Lately, I have felt so much pressure to identify one grand purpose as if it's like the golden key to fulfillment, right? It's a mystical one-shot destiny written in the stars that we're just supposed to
magically uncover, but I am calling bullshit on that. And I'm even going further to say that the idea that this purpose with a capital P is actually maybe even counterproductive to our health and wellbeing. Yes, I know there are studies that say people with a purpose live healthier and longer and even wealthier lives, but I don't think that they have found the golden chalice of purpose, if you will. So
Today, I think we're going to talk about what they do have. first of all, Heidi, what is purpose and why do humans crave to have purpose? What are your thoughts on that?
Heidi (01:40)
Well, I don't have a dictionary in front of me, so I can't give you the actual definition.
Elise (01:43)
No,
don't like Webster dictionary definitions here. We want your definition.
Heidi (01:48)
My definition of purpose. Well, see, this is very interesting because as you were describing this, I was also thinking of meaning. And then I was kind of curious. like, well, what's difference between purpose and meaning? Like, does your life need purpose or does it need meaning or does it need both? Yeah, that's a really good question. feel like to me, well, if you would have asked me a year ago, my definition of purpose would have been kind of similar to what you were describing, something that...
You're supposed to figure out and that's your big life goal is to just figure out your purpose and then live that purpose. And if you're living your purpose, then you'll never work a day in your life because that's saying, right? Like if you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life. So I think that's what I was like searching for. I was searching for something that felt like it wasn't work.
Elise (02:38)
Yeah, I think to me it's always been purpose is a sense that your life matters or you're here for a reason and maybe even you're contributing to society, right? But I like how you were talking about what matter or meaning, meaning, right? I think that's why we crave purpose so much because I think humans at our core, are meaning makers by nature, right? Like we are wired to make
order out of the random and take chaos and somehow turn it into a story. I don't know. I think that's what we do best. But I will say the one part that makes me frustrated is that we have so many studies on having a purpose, but it's all claiming a singular purpose. okay, I'm going to get my notes here. Sorry, Heidi. But.
Heidi (03:33)
They're not my notes, I don't care.
Elise (03:36)
A purpose. Okay, so there are studies. This one says it's from 2010. God, that is long ago.
Heidi (03:42)
Accurate.
Wow. I'm pretty sure in school it was always like seven years max is what you could use for references. Bratch. Just doubled up.
Elise (03:49)
Just a little
stretch. I mean, it feels like that was seven years ago. Okay.
Heidi (03:55)
It does though, honestly.
Elise (03:57)
In 2010, there was a study in Applied Psychology that says people with a purpose live longer. Endtime Magazine links a purpose to better sleep and healthy behaviors. And then I'm not sure if I'm saying this right, but JAMA, J-A-M-A, psychiatry shows that having a purpose helps aging people maintain independence and lower inflammation. Gotta go tell Sean that.
He's got rarecite arthritis.
Heidi (04:28)
That's true. Your husband is like... He needs... But he has purpose.
Elise (04:33)
And then a 2016 Journal of Research and Personality study found that people with a purpose make more money. Hell yeah. Okay. Great.
Heidi (04:45)
I want to live my purpose every day.
Elise (04:48)
But okay, what's pissing me off is that why do they frame it like it's one singular mission? Okay, so what happens if we don't find it, Heidi? Are we just doing
Heidi (04:58)
We're
obviously gonna die early and with lots of inflammation. And no money! That sounds fucking fabulous. I can't wait. Sad. Here we are living our purpose with this podcast. So don't worry guys, we are going to die healthy, wealthy, and happy. Yay! Oh, sad.
Elise (05:19)
Mom, aren't you proud?
I think this conversation is super essential right now because I don't know about you, Heidi, but I feel like more and more people are trying to seek a deeper meaning because we don't want to be just our job titles or our LinkedIn bios anymore. But even this search for purpose now, I think is turning into a source of anxiety. Like we need more of that, right?
Heidi (05:46)
Right, for sure we do. So keep adding it, please.
Elise (05:49)
Yeah, please. So if we can't name our one true calling, it starts to feel like just another thing we're failing at.
Heidi (05:58)
Okay, so I think I've said this before, maybe not on this podcast, but definitely to you too. I keep feeling like this is like an awakening for the entire world. Everyone is in this feeling now of wanting to change something in their life. Like they've been working these jobs for so long and they're all waking up right now to like, what the fuck am I doing with my life? Like, is this really what we're going to do? Work for somebody else or like work for dollars and cents?
and then hope to live a life later. Like, I just feel this huge shift in so many people and people that I've talked to too are like, yeah, they're just kind of waking up to wanting more out of life than just going through the motions.
Elise (06:42)
100%. I've obviously been there myself. honestly, I think that when I think about purpose lately in my life, I think back to when I was in, what was it, seventh grade and I knew I wanted to be an architect. But I also associated that with purpose. And I thought, being an architect, that is who I am. That is my purpose. am
What is it? Their profession, my passion, my purpose. That's me.
Heidi (07:13)
Mind you, I was extremely jealous because in seventh grade, even though you couldn't spell architect, you wanted to be one. And I was like, I want to be an astronaut and a vet and a pilot and something else. Like, I had no idea. So I was jealous.
Elise (07:29)
Yeah, but I don't think you had anything to be jealous of because it was, I mean, it wasn't until I was 38 that I realized that being an architect didn't also have to be my purpose because when I believed that that was my purpose, it had to be this big, bold, world-shaking mission, something divine and final. I am architect.
Heidi (07:53)
I create buildings.
Elise (07:57)
I make fire. It made me actually dive into my work like a freaking mad woman. Like I was trying to be the best architect, the best coworker, because I felt like I had to contribute in a big bold way to fulfill my purpose.
Heidi (08:14)
And let me just say, you were a mad woman. As somebody who had to live with you for much of her life.
Elise (08:24)
Yes, but we were also both pregnant when we lived together.
Heidi (08:27)
So, yes, when we lived together, that was super fun too.
Elise (08:31)
some hormones that may have been in that.
Heidi (08:33)
Well, I'm thinking even when you're in college though, you were so immersed in your work and you were so driven and passionate, but you were a bitch.
Elise (08:44)
I was. Fair. Very fair. I think my roommate, Kristin, could agree. I feel so bad for her. She had to live with me as just this terror of a human being who stayed up until 3 a.m. a saint. Oh, she is. 100%. Shout out, Kristin. Thank you. Love you. You go, girl. Okay. But now flash forward to today and past some, you know, having some health issues, mental breakdowns. I stepped away from architecture.
terrified that I'm no longer really defined and therefore I have no purpose. But I will say some incredible things started to happen. So I feel like I started to find these threads in these amazing moments of abundance, even though, mind you, I have no longer have an income and I'm putting everything on credit cards. Freaking terrified. But that abundance of joy, guess, that abundance felt
Heidi (09:35)
Same girl,
Elise (09:43)
more like a purpose to me. And I wanted to live for that, to create more of that, whatever it was I was doing at the time. So I am now seeing purpose as more of a fluid thing. It's like, what if purpose shifts with your life? What if it's allowed to evolve as you evolve? And I think our purpose is more like a thread. Okay, Heidi, enter your Taylor Swift song here. The thread going through life.
Heidi (10:09)
Invisible
string says you get it right.
Elise (10:14)
Okay, I am a wannabe Swiftie, sorry.
Heidi (10:18)
Although we both go to the reputation tour pregnant and I did wear a shirt that said big rep and then my belly said little rep and it was really fun.
Elise (10:26)
It's very obvious you are the Taylor Swift fan here and I am by association.
Heidi (10:34)
You have grown.
Elise (10:37)
Okay, back to purpose though. Purpose, I think it's what makes life feel intentional. Like we're not just floating, we're becoming and evolving. And even if we do something that is not for the world, it's for us, it's for our future and the people we love and the kind of legacy we want to leave behind. So that's how I've seen purpose evolve through my life. Heidi, I'm curious to see what you think.
What do you think about your purpose and also has your sense of purpose ever changed direction?
Heidi (11:14)
Okay,
this is super interesting that you say it that way too. Because when you asked me this question before we started recording, I don't have notes, but I wrote one thing down. I wrote, purpose feels selfish, but I'm realizing that it's not. Because I felt like when I wanted to live the things for me, it was super selfish, but I'm realizing when I'm doing things for me,
It's actually giving so much to other people. So I also wrote purpose. I felt like purpose had to be something that you give, but it's actually something that we receive through giving to ourselves. It's all like introspective. It's all turning back inside, living for yourself and knowing that that's not selfish.
Elise (12:08)
Damn, that's why this could go on forever. I love this topic so much. Anything else? I don't want to cut you off.
Heidi (12:15)
No, no, no, it's fine. I was just thinking, yeah, so before, you know, I was working as a nurse and so many nurses, that is their identity, that is their purpose. And I felt like I did have that too, because I loved saying, I'm a nurse and feeling, you know, that energy exchange when people hear that. just instills some pride in me too. But also knowing that stepping away from that didn't mean that I was nothing. Stepping away from that.
to start doing something that I knew could be bigger than something that I could do just within those four walls of the hospital. It was, ooh, I just got chills.
Elise (12:54)
Hello, spirit guys.
Heidi (12:57)
But it was a hard thing to do, but at the same time, I just knew that my purpose was going to be bigger than just doing what I could in that small community. I mean, it wasn't a small community, it's a big hospital, but you know what I mean. Let's be real. Yeah, it's finding the thing that just really filled my cup and then expanding on that.
Elise (13:20)
Yeah, so I I love that that's probably at the crux of the question why we put so much pressure on a singular purpose is because I think we are such complex creatures that need simple answers, right? We want it to be defined in one single way. I am helping others. That is my purpose. So I kind of want to take a step back and go back to those studies.
And if they did not actually have a singular purpose, what is it that they actually had? And obviously I don't know, but this is what I'm speculating. And Heidi, I to get your input on this too, but I'm thinking that if they didn't have one sense of purpose, I think what they had was a sense of ease that if they followed that thread of purpose, wherever it goes, they're going to be okay. And so any trials that make
come along the way, they're seen as more of a next step, not a struggle. So obviously less stress, less cortisol, duh, healthy. And then also maybe they're more open to synchronicities because they're not tied to, no, no, this is my one purpose. So they can be fluid and open and try new things and see where it leads them.
Heidi (14:38)
Yeah, I think you explained it perfectly too. And I'm actually really curious to see like what the fuck questions did they ask on that survey? Like how do you know? How do you know that they found their purpose or they were living their purpose? I'm wondering if they just ask like, you feel like you have a sense of purpose? And to me, that's what it should be. It shouldn't be, do you have a purpose or are you living your purpose? It's do you have a sense?
of purpose because it's inward, right? Like it's a feeling. It's not a doing. It's not a thing you're doing or who you are. It's inside. It's the feeling. So I think people can have a feeling of purpose exactly like you explained. Like while they're just following these nudges and going with what feels right instead of being so anchored in this is the thing I have to do.
Elise (15:26)
Yeah, 100%. That's actually, that leads me to my next question. So how do we actually connect to our purpose if it's not singular? Like if we're not going on a scavenger hunt to find the Holy Grail, if it's more fluid and changing, I would reframe it and say it's not about finding purpose, it's about following purpose in those small moments. How do you think we can follow our purpose?
Heidi (15:54)
Well, I'm a feelings girl. again, I feel like you have to turn inwards. You have to open up your intuition, open up your heart, really start like feeling your feelings and see what feels right and what's not feeling right. Do an audit of your life and say, does doing this make me feel good inside? It doesn't have to be like all the time maybe, but are there pieces of my job or are there pieces of my life
that really make me feel good? And then how can I expand on that? How can I infuse my life with more of that? Maybe it is changing jobs, but maybe it is just, you know, starting a project in your career that's more focused on that one thing that really lights you up. I think just being open to these different opportunities and different ideas, ask people for feedback, guidance, be like, this is the thing that really makes me feel good, but I'm not getting that in my job. Or maybe there's a little bit, but I...
Like how else can I do more of this? Other people have brilliant ideas too, right? So getting some feedback, talking with people who you trust, who you feel good around, who you know will support you. Find your sisterhood, hey.
Elise (17:07)
Or your sister. Hey!
Heidi (17:10)
But yeah, just really tuning into yourself. I think you're not going to find it externally. It's all going to be inside.
Elise (17:17)
And I'm really a feelings girl. I want to be, but I'm more of a perfectionist girl. But I think that's also how you can more easily follow the flow of your purpose by dropping that perfection, by saying it doesn't have to be this way. What if today your purpose was just to smile at that poor mom in Target who's crying inside because she just wants to know she's doing okay? Or what if it's just about being present?
and intentional. I really think that it can be small moments of purpose that have a bigger ripple effect. But I also think it's difficult to go and be introspective. It's difficult to ask yourself these questions. It's difficult to follow that purpose. What Heidi and I like to do is have journal prompts sometimes. Last chat, GPT, hey, give me a couple of journal prompts so I can dive into my life at a deeper level.
and I don't have to pay for a therapist.
Heidi (18:18)
Chachi Beauty is my therapist, by the way, so.
Elise (18:21)
Honestly, you can rename it your doctor chat.
Heidi (18:25)
I call her... What do I call her? I forgot what I called her. Never mind.
Elise (18:30)
I call mine Sage because she is wise and has all the answers.
Heidi (18:34)
So I think I still just call her chat, but she's definitely a female.
Elise (18:39)
Obviously, because she has all the answers. She does. Okay, so I've got a couple journal prompts here and maybe you can do these yourself at home, obviously, if not if you're driving, but I'm going to ask Heidi. She doesn't know any of these questions, but I'm just curious. I want to get Heidi's opinion on these and see what we come up with. So play along, please. Let's do this. Okay, here goes. All right, Heidi.
Heidi (18:41)
guys
All right.
Elise (19:05)
What did you love doing as a child before anyone told you you were good at it or not?
Heidi (19:13)
fucking everything. I loved to be outside. I love to be creative. I loved to come up with new games, new ideas. I was an entrepreneur as a child.
Elise (19:30)
Ooh, tell them about your entrepreneurial job of buying pop. And that's what we see in the Midwest.
Heidi (19:39)
So yes, we are born and raised in the Midwest. So pop.
Elise (19:44)
which was soda pop. okay.
Heidi (19:47)
Or wasn't it like Coke? Mom was always so mad because they were like, what kind of Coke do you want? And she's like, I don't know, diet? Pepsi Coke. Anyways. So yeah, so we didn't have, like our parents wouldn't buy pop usually at all. And I must have just begged them or whatever, but they bought pop. And it was also because I was like, I promise I won't drink it. I don't know what it was, but I had anyways, they, somebody bought me the pop.
Elise (20:07)
Maybe it was a party.
Heidi (20:15)
and I went door to door with a wagon, I think, and I started selling it to people, you know, as kids do, I guess. But I was also thinking of another time, which I'm not gonna lie, I don't fully remember this memory, but my mom says it all the time.
Elise (20:33)
I know what you're going to talk about. And yes, I remember this.
Heidi (20:36)
Okay. It is real. It is real. It happened. So we, when we lived in Missouri, we had a very steep driveway. We also lived on a hill and I drew in chalk a giant target on our driveway. Like probably the size of, you know, a good, a decent size. But in the middle, the middle target piece was like still a good size, but kind of small. You know, target.
And apparently, probably.
Elise (21:06)
Your largest circle is probably eight feet and your smallest circle is probably like six inches,
Heidi (21:11)
Thank you so much for the detailed description. really is actually more helpful.
Elise (21:16)
I'm a visual person, sorry.
Heidi (21:18)
Apparently I invited the neighborhood kids, which there were a shit ton of, you. I miss that too. But I would have them like throw their quarters onto the target. And I was like, if you can hit the target, like the middle, the bullseye, you can have all the quarters that are scattered all over the driveway that people have been trying to do. And of course nobody could fucking do it because it was a giant hill.
So my little smart brain was like, okay, I just get to keep all these quarters now. So I did a lot of things like that. looking back now, it's funny because I'm like, I was so already prepared to be an entrepreneur. And here I was trying to fit into all these other boxes first before I stepped into that. that and animals, being around animals was always my favorite. Riding horses, I felt the most free.
moving my body, like dancing, running, jumping, everything. just, I always had to be in motion. But yeah, just moving and being creative and being with people. That was always like, I was social. It was very social. I still am. So all those characteristics definitely carried over.
Elise (22:33)
Okay, what have you always felt different about and have you seen that as a flaw or a gift?
Heidi (22:39)
like felt different about myself.
Elise (22:41)
Anything. What do you feel that you kind of challenge the norm, if you will, or go against the flow? What do you feel different about than what society feels?
Heidi (22:51)
That's a great question. I feel like duality has been hard for me to grasp. I've always been black and white. Like it's this or this, either or. I've never been able to like understand the and aspect until recently. So I don't know. I don't know if that answers your question, but shifting from like black and white to more of the gray area in things of my life has been helpful. I love it.
Elise (23:20)
Okay, if your younger self could see you now, what would she be proud of and what would break her heart?
Heidi (23:27)
that's sad. First of all, she'd say, it's about fucking time you're an entrepreneur. And then she'd probably be sad that I lived so much of my life for other people and didn't honor her. I didn't honor my inner child for a very long time. Trying to conform, trying to not necessarily conform, but trying to make other people proud as we do as children who grow up into adults. We always want to make our parents proud.
And I don't think that there's anything wrong with that. I think we should have a healthy dose of wanting to make our family proud, but also wanting to make ourselves proud. I mean, sure, she'd be sad that it took me this long, but I think she's super fucking proud now that like, you know, we're whole again. I been taking such good care of her.
Elise (24:17)
Lovely. Maybe I should be asking these questions because I have a lot more problems than you. okay.
Heidi (24:22)
We'll journal after this.
Elise (24:25)
Okay, so when you strip away your roles, mother, wife, nurse, friend, who is left? And maybe use it, describe it in words or symbols or images that come to your mind when you try to describe that version of you.
Heidi (24:41)
So she's yellow. She is this bright, bright, bright yellow and it's all power. It's like, well, know, yellow solar plexus, if we're thinking chakras. And that's where my power comes from is through joy and happiness. So I am powerful when I am embodying what makes me happy and what makes me feel free. And that to me is power, but it's also
Elise (24:43)
Who?
Heidi (25:08)
It's also healing and it's also giving. It's just, it's so many things wrapped up in one. So I think me as a human, I am a fucking star.
Elise (25:21)
I fucking love it.
Heidi (25:24)
That's beautiful. And I burn the brightest. Maybe I'm Venus. Fuck. I don't know. Venus is a planet. Wait. Yeah. That made me sound super dumb. is a planet. But when I look up at the sky, it is the brightest quote unquote star. that's me. I'm just hanging out there. I'm Venus.
Elise (25:34)
my god.
love
that. I had two more questions, but I kind of want to end on that because that was really good. Okay. Thanks for bearing with me, Heidi.
Heidi (25:53)
That sounds perfect.
this style. think we should do this more because I like not knowing anything.
Elise (26:02)
Good. I love all of this and the revelations maybe that have come up because I love that we are thinking of it instead of thinking of purpose as a reason for living. We're thinking of purpose as channeling our passion and our energy into activities that make us excited, make us be a fucking star.
And I think this also actually helps us spend less time immersed in our own negative thoughts and our own limiting beliefs because you're letting that energy move through you. You have no time to listen to your voices say, no, but you can't do that. I love thinking about purpose as the invisible thread that connects your existence to something bigger than just surviving the day. And mind you, that big can be something small, like a small action, but maybe it's got.
big ripple effects.
Heidi (26:57)
Thanks, Sissy, this was fun.
Elise (26:59)
But of course, I mean, it's not easy to do though, right? Finding this calm, this peace, this drive and passion, I don't think it's easy. And no woman wakes up and says, look mom, I found my purpose.
Heidi (27:12)
think we need to just start working on getting out of our heads and into our hearts. And hey guys, hey sis. That's what we do. I've got something for you. We are doing a promo right now of our SOS calls, which is Seeking Out Solutions. And it is where you have a full hour with us via video chat and we will help guide you. We do...
energy reading, as a tarot reading, but really it's truly just like a deep soul guidance that we can help walk you through. So we are doing a special right now for the first two weeks that our podcast has launched. So it will run through May 1st of 2025. This special is 50 % off of our SOS calls and the link is in the show notes.
Elise (28:00)
Sorry if you're listening to this later.
Until next time, it's your move.
Heidi (28:09)
Make it count. Bye!